Melva Gifford

These are notes from a writer’s conference. Any misinformation is the fault of the note taker. This is a conclusion of notes on this subject.

In Figurative & Descriptive Language, reveal characters with sensory details. Narrator needs to be invisible interpret all details through the eyes of the main character.

• Precise sensory details can enhance the visual nature of the book while adding layers to the protagonist. ‘Grandpa was an old, wrinkled, cranky man’ is a description that could come from any character that happened to spend a few minutes with Grandpa.
• Ex: ‘Hannah thought grandpa looked like the lemon she had left in the sun for her science experiment; brown, shriveled, and probably just as sour’ is a viewpoint that can only belong to Hannah.

Sensory details:

• Reveal characters with sensory details. Narrator needs to be invisible: interpret all details through the eyes of the main character.
• What does your character sounds like? (Voice when talking)
• What words do you use to describe them?
• Does he or she have a distinctive quirk?

Rhythm & Flow:

• The way words are woven together affects the rhythm and speed of your story.
• Repetition of words, actions, sounds.
• Varied sentence lengths: compound sentences slow down the flow. Short, choppy sentences speed up the flow.
• Punctuation directs the reader to stop or to continue.
• Example: From dusk to down, the lighthouse beams.
• Hello!
• …Hello!
• Hello, Lighthouse!

Or

• They swam up…
• And up.
• And up.

To Rhyme or not to Rhyme:

• “As you’re putting your book together, remember that it all comes back to the story.
• If you feel like rhyming your worlds elevates your tale and it gives a powerful flow and tone, go for it; if you find yourself Turing to the thesaurus, or rhyming dictionary with frustration for every other word, changes are the story will be better off without it.” Jill Santopolo.

Dialogue:

• Great dialog does triple-duty:
• Supplies the reader with information about the plot and moves it forward.
• Gives insight into the speaker
• Shows the relationship between all the characters in the conversation.
• Example of strong verbs: CJ pushed through the church doors, skipped down the steps.
• The outside air smelled lie freedom, but it also smelled like rain, which freckled CJ’s shirt and dripped down his nose.
• Dialogue: Make it natural.

1. Use contractions unless the character is intentionally formal.
2. Cut filler words unless necessary.
3. Make stuttering rare and meaningful. It should really stand out and show that something different is going on.
4. Cut “yes” or “no” answers if they are followed with a sentence that shows what the answer

• Example: [Did you walk the dog? it was raining. ] You can cut the “no” because “it was -raining.” Shows the answer.
• In picture books, every words matters. Have them be powerful and purposeful.
• Chose them with care and purpose to refine your castle.

Verbs: are they active, strong, and precise. Are they dull or over-used words?

• Do they support the themes you are exploring?
• Do they convey physical and emotional qualities?
• Replace modifiers (adjective and adverse) with strong verbs that have physical and emotional meaning in addition to action. Example: he went home.
• An adverb is needed to convey how he went home. He went home slowly, He went home quickly, He went home reluctantly.
• A stronger verb would show both the how of the action and the emotion: he meandered home. He raced home. He trudged home.
• Avoid narrations that distance reader from the character: he felt, she heard, they saw.
• Example: He heard a cars crash. Use: car tires screeched.
• Remove words that blunt the impact of the verb (wish-washy/tentative).
• Example: he seemed to find the answer. Verses He found the answer. He discovered the answer.
• Replace words that are active but over used or unexciting.
• Example: have, run, come, go, see, look Vs: grip, dash, appear, vanish, spy, peek.

Nouns:

• Are they stor5ng and precise?
• Can adjectives be replaced with a strong noun?
• Example: Sam’s friends thought he lived in a big, beautiful house. This doesn’t show the reader how big, or how beautiful, Sam’s house really is.
• Vs: Sam lived in a castle, at least that’s what his friends thought. This gives the reader a specific point of reference, and shows the contrast between Sam and his friends.

Figurative4 & Descriptive Language:

• Use to amplify meaning and give power to your words.
• Simile: comparing two unlike things with ‘like’ or ‘as’
• Outside, the ground is a blanket of rotting leaves.
• Breaks up sentences to add to the rhythm
• Stack them in the cellar like buried treasure.
• The crystal rains fall,
• Metaphor: Comparing two things that are not alike.
• Example: snow falls in a blanked of diamonds
• Hyperbole: exaggerated claims not to be taken literally.
• Idiom: an expression that says one thing literally but means something else.
• Personification: give human characteristics to a nonhuman.
• Onomatopoeia: naming a word or acting by imitating the sounds associated with it.
• Examples: the fourth however, continued to grow. And grow. Until he was the size of a teapot.
• They were taught to yip. Never yap!
• Yip. Yip
• Ruff!
• Kids love having fun things to say.
• Alliteration: repetitive of two or more adjacent or closely connected words that begin with the same sound.

Assonance: Repetition of vowel sounds in two or more adjacent or closely connected words.