Melva Gifford

The presentation was offered at the LDSPMA writers conference in 2023 by Sabine Berlin and Heidi Brockbank. Any misinformation in the notes is the fault of the note taker.

• The beginning is the most import part of the work” by Plato that means the first word, the first line and paragraph.
• That is what editors/ readers will judge your work.
• Recommend the book Hooked by Lee Edgerion.
• Editor: I read every query I receive. It takes me about 10 seconds to decide I I’m into it or not. I read fast and react quickly. The closest equivalent I can come up with it takes me about 10 second to decide if I want to shazam a song, I don’t know. Every agent is different.
• Editor Uwe Stender says: If I get past the 10 second, then I am theoretically interested. I know exactly what I want when I see it, and what I don’t want when I see it. I will read on, which takes me another 30 seconds or so Then I decide where to request or not. I don’t read samples. Just the query.

How long do you wait?

• Restaurants commercials, internet speed, amazon pages. For a book to hook you.

• Be careful of starting in the wrong page and time of the story

• You need to start an emotions hook that s by showing.

Story structure:

1. The characters world
2. Inciting incident
3. Struggle and instability
4. New World.

• In our opening, you don’t want to open with a dream or someone waking up, back-story and avoid dialog. The reader needs to know where they are.
• Most agents see a dream start and identify that reader as an amateur.
• Someone waking up in the trunk of a car might work in wake up, but in this example, the author then gave a lot of back-story instead of trying to get out.
• You can have back tory in the first chapter but do not have it in the first five page of the story.
• In the start, you can have a brief setup but not too long.
• Dialog should be avoid with few exceptions. Here is a good exception: I’ve watched his thoughts, his eyes, I’ve listened through his ears and I tell you he’s the one. Or at let as close as we’re going to get” Enders game, Orson Scott Card.

First Line:

• First line know where they are. Next line gives name of the persons talking to and from. The fourth paragraph reveals super powers.
• For first pages, avoid a lot of description and flowery prose. The reader needs to know who the charter is. where they are, and the hook.
• A prolog should be only one page (unless high fantasy) It must knock your socks off. Send a chapter to an agent not a prolog. If you use the prolog, it has to act as the hook. It gives setup, the inciting incident, and intriguing.
• The meat of your first chapter. It include inciting incident vers initial surface problem. Try to have it in the first paragraph or two. or if necessary first page.

Sample first lines: (good to have first lines where the reader asks a question

• Perceptive by Ingrid law: when my brother fish tuned thirteen, we moved to the deepest part of the inland because of the hurricane and of course is the fact that he caused it.
• The silicon mage by Barbara hambly: the worst things about knowing the Gary Fairchild has bene death for a month was seeing him every day at work.
• Humor works great in hooks. The opening paragraphs of Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events.
• The restaurant at the end of the universe by Douglas Adams: 39 sec
• Seven Up, by Janet Evanoch: for the better part of my childhood my professional aspirations were simple-I wanted to be an intergalactic princess.
• The hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien: In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit­hole, and that means comfort.
• By the light of the moon by Dean Koonntz: Shortly before being knocked unconscious and bound to a chair, before being injected with an unknown substance against his will, and before discovering that the world was deeply mysterious in ways he’d never before imagined, Dylan O’Conner left his motel room and walked across the highway to a brightly lighted fast-food franchise to buy cheeseburgers, French fries, pocket pies with apple filing and a vanilla milkshake..
• Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury: it was a pleasure to Burn.
• Uglies by Scott Westerfield: the early summer sky was the color of cat vomit.

Inciting incident vs initial surface problem vs story worthy problem.

• Hunger game book shows character volunteering to replace her sister in the competition.
• The inciting incident is an event. Harry potter is when he gets invited to Hogwarts. Harry’s surface problem is his crappie home life. The story worthy problem is he need to become the person to stop Voldemort.
• Story worthy problem can’t be photographed but initial surface problem can be.
• How do you write an inciting incident? It need to be an event that changes their status quo. It should happen to the main character not what they do. Hunger games, Kat volunteers in place of her sister. Incident needs to give the character the sense of urgency. Kat’s reactions is something that endears the reader to her.
• Q: do these suggestions apply to memoir or nonfiction. The suggestions of incident, story worthy problem is important also for memoir.  What problem is the nonfiction book going to address.

Backstory and set up:

• Too many writers put backstory and setup in the wrong place of the book. Be careful that it does not go too long. Way too much info not needed for the first chapter.

Character:

• In the opening chapter the character has, one job is to get the reader to read the whole chapter.
• Scott card says, characters make good or bad first impressions.
• A likeable character are they proactive, what are their hopes and dreams. Be courageous.
• Want charters to be dependable and have some relatable flaws.

Hook Example to be evaluated:

• It’s hotter than satin’s short out here.” I say as I get to Grammy’s porch> humorous line and gives a sense of place. Ask yourself, will a young reader be interested the setup of the chapter is slow in development. Want to have the inciting incident coming quickly. Kids are more impatient than adults so have things develop quickly. Need more excitement in the first page.
• For high fantasy, you can break some rules and you can go into more detail. But you need the skeleton Be careful of having a lot of info between the opening questions and the answer between characters.
• Great titles can make a good hook such as “how to love friends and upset people.
• Keep first chapter is piffy and fast paced and get to inciting incident. Avoid backstory in the start of the book. Don’t tell what happened. Show us what happened.
• Characters are usually two years older than the reader is.
• They like when starts with actions and that the character is in a difficult situation.
• Cut out all adjectives and adverbs > in a first chapter and then put them back as needed.
• Want the seeds of your entire book to be in the first and second paragraph.
• You want a reader to be curious.
• When writing in a characters voice> the reader needs to know what the character needs.
• Know who your audience is and do research to see what appeals to them.
• Character that has a plucky voice can attack readers and editors
• You need to sell a picture on the strength of the words.
• If there is, a book that has two plot lines should each have their own hooks, good suggesting having a hook. Have the strongest hook first.
• Check out Orson Scott’s website, hackrackriver. Resources, uncle Orson’s writing class. has a list of articles. He has his first four attempts chapters for his book: Endor’s shadow. (I could not find it on the web site.
• Uncle Orson’s Writing Class > http://www.hatrack.com/writingclass/index.shtml
• http://www.hatrack.com/

The presenter Kiri Jorgensen Editor of chicken scratch publishers. Presented at LDSPMA conference.

• Middle grade is 4th grade to 8th grade and age 9-13
• First books that have a complete plot. It has to be pure storytelling.
• Moving from chapter books to full novels
• If kids don’t connect immediately, they will abandon the book. Need to build the connection by getting the reader to cheer, connect and relate to the main character.
• Will analyze the book Dread Watch to see how to write children’s books.

Plot: there are many ways to plot. Your book needs to have three turning point scenes that shift he characters motive that is connected to the plot. The motive (why they do what they do) they need to be releasable to the reader. Each turn of scenes is related to their choices. They need to connect to the character in their normal world.

• First turning point: fourth of the way in the story. Erath shaking event. They have launched into a new path and their efforts are not working.
• Second Turing pint is the midpoint decision. They shift direction again.
• The epitome scene: main character get to the heart of the plot and realizes what they need to do and it is usually just before where they need to go and it is influence by their decision.
• In dread lock: first turning point is Gets obsessed with a watch. It will solve all his problems. He goes after the watch. Midpoint decision: He touches the watch and his should and friend are sucked into the watch. A whole bunch of people are caught in the watch. Caleb makes the choice to help the girl. It makes things different.  The epitome scene.  He breaks out but need to go back into watch to save

Scheming: (the layers of motive of why characters do what they do) 18 min.

1. Surface layer is the desire; the physical need to what they need. What drives the character in the beginning of the
2. The think need is what drives their behavior through the rest of the novel (emotional need) they think they need to solve their problems. Their need may shift as their understanding shifts.  The character may not know what that root need is.  The clear motive may be clear to the reader but not to the character.  You as the author need to know the root of their need. Very basic emotions. They are very cliché. (root needs is love, family, friendships etc)
3. (unclear what the third layer way. Maybe the final realization in the epitome scene.
4. In the book, character wants the watch to solve hi problems. The story progressed his think need if I can be strong and overcome my fears I can overcome the monster. Ultimately, the root of his needs is getting the understanding of what love it.

How to combine plot and motive is agency.

• Connection: in Dread Watch book, Caleb is willing to sacrifice his family for the watch. Characters need to fail. Failure upon failure will show where the character will shift. In the epitome scene (getting out of the watch) He has learned to overcome his fears based on his love of his family. This is where Caleb knows how to solve the problem.

1. Draw a turning point map in your book. The three plot points need to be evenly spaced.

• Beginning (his new life) new school, bully, leaves home. Goes into the watch and anger moves into fear. Those in the watch try to solve. Epitome gets out of the watch and he is in control.

2. For each character, see what their motives behind your character behavior. Think of layers of motives. Key motive is influenced by a former motive. At the earth-shaking event their motivation will influence their actions. Their actions need to make the decisions sand not someone else.  The midpoint their think point is not fixing the problem so they try a different problem.  It may be a physical and definitely an emotional shift) The epitome scene they find what the real solution is.

Chicken scratch books:

• Blog writer letters. https://chickenscratchbooks.com/blog/
• Website: Chickenscratchbooks.com
• Submission: conference code: ldspma2022 open first week of each month.